Confusions of Love
by Miranda C
Summary: Alton sends his apology to Karigan. Will she accept it? If she does, would complications develop with Alton? And what about Zachary? K/A/Z Love triangle, rated T to be safe
1. The Letter

Chapter 1

Dear Karigan,

I missed you. I am truly sorry for my actions at the end of last summer. I didn't know what I was doing. Only now did I know truly what I had done. I really miss you now. Please forgive me.

Alton

P.S. I am returning to Sacor City.

Karigan sighed as she read the letter written in Alton's own elegant writing, under the dim candle light of her room in the new Rider quarters inside the castle. She remembered clearly Alton's rejection of her last summer at the D'Yer wall. At first she was confused than she was frustrated before being extremely angry at Alton. They were great friends or maybe even more but they were firm friends. Karigan didn't know what she did that upset Alton so much.

Karigan sighed again. Now Alton wants her forgiveness. Didn't he know how she felt at that time? But deep down she felt grateful that she was not responsible for his action last summer. Perhaps the strain of having to fix the Wall was making him feel touchy.

Alton rode swiftly on Night Hawk through the Green Cloak forest. He was almost a day ride from Sacor City. Part of him wanted to go forwards to Sacor City. The other part of him wanted to flee away from the City. What would Karigan do when he returns? Would she forgive him? Would she throw a fit? All these questions swirled around in his head as he rode towards Sacor City.


	2. Forgiveness

**Forgiveness **

"Rider coming" shouted a stableboy. Alton rode through the gates of the castle, dismounted and handed the reins to the stableboy. He surveyed the castle grounds and spotted a figure clad in green standing at the castle gates. He strode towards the figure, hoping it was Karigan.

Karigan rushed towards the castle gates from the Rider offices where she was doing paperwork for Captain Mapstone. As she arrived, she saw Alton dismount and the stableboy leading Night Hawk to the stables. She felt slightly overwhelmed. What should she do that won't intimidate Alton? She took a deep breathe waiting for him to reach her.

Alton stopped in front of the castle steps leading to the gates. Karigan stood on the top in front of the guards. She looked somewhat different. She still had the long, reddish brown hair but she looked more confidant and just different. But now she looked as if she was going to cry. He waited for her to speak.

"I'm so glad you came back, Alton," she said, a drop of tear ran down her cheek. "But why? Why did you do that?"

"Karigan, I'm so sorry, I can explain," stammered Alton, of all the reactions he has been expecting, it was not one of them. "Let's go for a walk and I'll explain."

To his surprise, Karigan smiled. They walked in companiable silence through the gardens. Alton didn't know how to start and Karigan did not press him to.

"It's like this, when that Sergeant knocked me off the Wall into Blackveil, I was very ill and didn't know what was happening. I tried to protect myself using my brooch, creating a shield. But the shield won't work if I fell asleep. Sometime during my sleep, I think that thing," He shuddered. Karigan nodded sympathetically. Alton continued. " It went into my mind and somehow brought me back across the Wall. And that's when…..when I saw the horrible vision. You weren't really there, it was just that thing." Alton shuddered again.

"Do you think I will forgive you? Did you really think that I want to destroy the wall?" Karigan's tone was expressionless.

"I…..I…..didn't know what was going on. I was just frustrated and depressed and," stuttered Alton, at loss for words. He looked perplexed.

"I forgive you Alton," said Karigan, smiling. She put a hand soothingly on his shoulder. "I am also at fault for not understanding the matter."

"No..no I am the one who should be sorry," cried Alton. Karigan laughed, a very pleasant sound to Alton's ears.

"Let's say we both are at fault," she said a matter-of-factly. "So are you coming the Spring Festival in a week's time?"

"I'm staying here for a while," replied Alton, thoroughly relieved. "Are you?"

"Have too, I've been given an invitation from the King and an order from my father," she stated, reluctantly. "I never do well at those festivals. But it's never wise to refuse the King."

"Why does your father order you to?" asked Alton, curious. Her response was bewildering.

"We are friends, right?" said Karigan, turning around to face him.

"Yes, why?" said Alton, bewildered.

"My father wants..wants me to …..get married," she answered awkwardly. Alton looked her in the eye. His gaze was so intense that made Karigan turn away, murmuring about unfinished paperwork.

King Zachary looked out of his study window that gave a great view of the castle gardens. He was surprised to see Karigan in the gardens. He saw her much more in the stables than in the gardens. But he was even more surprised when he saw Alton with her. They both seems to be in high spirits. To Zachary, seeing Karigan with Alton only dampened his spirits. He sighed, however much he loved Karigan, he can never be with her. He had no intentions about making her his mistress. But still seeing Karigan and Alton made him slightly jealous.


	3. Swordmaster and Aristocrat

**Swordmaster and Aristocrat **

People surrounded the practise ring in the castle courtyard near the stables, watching the fight in the ring. Karigan ducked and weaved around Arms Master Drent, dancing the dance of swordmasters. Today they were fighting using dull steel blades instead of the usual wooden practise swords. Their fight has become more intense than ever.

Karigan knew that if she was to defeat Drent she would gain the title of Swordmaster. Besides, if she does Drent won't be able to say that she didn't deserve her title as Rider Sir G'ladheon. She defended herself, feinted and finally twisted her sword, disarming her trainer. In a moment, Karigan had Drent at kill point. Cheered rose from all sides of the practise ring.

"Good job, you're now Swordmaster," grumbled Drent, as he stalked off.

Karigan was too happy to retort. She was now officially free from his hard training. All the Riders ran to her and all tried to hug her at the same time. They spoke their congratulations at the same time so everything was a babble of voices. Karigan saw Alton standing some way away from the mob of Riders, smiling at her. Behind him, stood Zachary, and his usual entourage of Weapons, Karigan tried not to look in his direction of meet his intense gaze.

Karigan broke away from her fellow Riders and walked towards Alton. He grinned almost boyishly.

"Do you want to go for a walk and maybe a picnic?" he asked. Karigan laughed.

"Don't you think I should get changed first?"she answered. Drent had drilled her through several exercises before their final fight and she was cover from head to toe with dirt and sweat.

"Oh, yeah, you should," Alton stammered. He mentally slapped himself for not thinking about that. "Maybe I should get some food from the kitchens."

"That's great, let's meet here in an hour!" said Karigan. Alton was surprised by the amount of enthusiasm in her voice. Kargian walked off with a bounce in her step. Garth quickly fell in step with her.

"So," said Garth, winking cheekily. "You and Alton seem great together and now you are accepting his offer for a picnic. What was that about?"

"Shut up, Garth," retorted Karigan. "Alton and I are just old friends."

"Oh, right," said Garth with sarcasm.

Karigan munched on an apple as she listened to the bird calls. She and Alton were picnicking near to the Lost Lake in almost exactly the same place where they had picnicked before Amilton's coup.

"Picnicking here does bring out old memories," remarked Alton, dryly.

Karigan nodded absentmindedly. She remembered clearly that day when Amilton's coup occurred. How Alton had tried to protect her from Shawdell nearly ending his own life. They she remembered Zachary, how he seemed so worried about her that day. She shook her head. Zachary could never be hers. Never. But only if she wanted her own honour and dignity. She shook her head, of course she wants her honour and dignity.

Alton's voice broke her line of thought. "Are you looking forwards to the Spring Festival?"

"N….I mean yes," stammered Karigan. The Spring Festival was also the engagement party of Estora and Zachary. She almost forgot shy she was attending the festival. To find a husband of considerable status. She sighed.

"What is it?" asked Alton, hearing her sigh.

"Marriage," replied Karigan, glumly. Alton frowned.

"Why?"

"It's a long story," muttered Karigan, her half eaten apple forgotten. After her high of knowing that she was Swordmaster, her usual worries plagued her once again. "I'll tell you. My grandfather, my mother's father, was the Viscount of Couther, a member of the lower nobility in L'Petrie Province. My grandfather had a son, who inherited the title of Viscount of Couther. But he died during a riot a month ago. I never knew my uncle was an aristocrat, 'cause my father didn't like aristocrats." She smiled ruefully. "Now he has left his estates to my mother, his sister. She is ….with Westerion. So I will have to inherit his lands and title. But he has said to my father that I should marry before I receive the inheritance. My father has no intentions of going against a dead man's wishes and here I am." She finished lamely.

"So you're Lady Karigan, Viscountess of Couther?" asked Alton, surprised but pleased at the same time.

"Unofficially, yes" answered Karigan. "I think we should go back now." Packing up the remains of their picnic.


	4. Conflict

**Conflict **

Karigan leaned back in her armchair in the Rider common room, reading one of her books on the shelf. Tomorrow would be the start of the Spring Festival. Nobles and aristocrats from every corner of Sacordia are coming to attend as well as every member of the king's militia. That means all the Riders had been given an invitation. Everyone was very excited except Karigan.

For Karigan, today was a strangely uneventful day, a message errand to the nearby village of Catemole before noon than a whole afternoon standing next to King Zachary during his public audience while Captain Mapstone was at a meeting. Karigan resented having to stand next to Zachary and his fiancé, Estora for four hours and not just because she felt nothing better than an ornament in green. She wanted Mara to go, but the King specially asked for Karigan to be there. Then Karigan thought about the invitation sitting on her oak desk in her office addressed to the horrible title, Lady Karigan G'ladheon, Viscountess of Couther. It seems that the King's administrators keep up to date everything happening amongst the aristocrats.

Feeling suddenly overwhelmed, Karigan decided to go for a walk on the castle battlements. Up there, Karigan felt much better and was absorbed by her own thoughts. Suddenly, she bumped right into someone.

"Karigan," said a surprised Zachary. "What are you doing here?"

Caught by surprise, she stammered, "Sire, I didn't see you," She quickly bowed.

"Karigan, why are you here?" said Zachary.

"Taking a walk," muttered Karigan uncomfortably.

"Then let me escort you."

"That won't be necessary," retorted Karigan. Ignoring her, Zachary took her arm and dragged her along. Karigan tried to free her arm.

"So you are glad Alton is back?" asked Zachary.

"Yes."

"The two of you get along very well."

Karigan knew that Zachary was fishing.

"What do you want to know?" asked Kargian, annoyed, spinning around to face Zachary.

"Since you asked, then I'll be blunt. How should I put this? Okay, what is between you and Alton?"

"What?!" snapped Karigan. "Why does everyone think I am involved with Alton?!"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…"

"Look here, Zachary, what in five hells do you want? You are already marrying Estora then you are jealous that I am talking to Alton, what is wrong with you?"

"I…."

"I am just trying to get on with my life! I already lost my dream of becoming a merchant, to be a Green Rider. Then I fall for someone I should never have fallen for, now I find myself as an aristocrat! There is **so** many things I don't want to happen in my life and I am trying to cope! Don't you understand, Zachary? And you are just making it a hell of a lot more difficult!"

Zachary let her rattle on. When she finally finished, she gave him one final glare then stalked off the battlements. Zachary stared bleakly after her, not knowing what he should do. But she practically admitted she has fallen for him and called him Zachary instead of 'sire'. Then she said she was an aristocrat. Zachary took some time to digest all that Karigan had said.

Zachary just wanted her to be happy. Seeing her unhappy made him said. But he knew that there was nothing he could do. Both knew that they should never have fallen for each other. If Karigan was happy with Alton, then be it, thought Zachary.

He sighed, "There was nothing he could do."


	5. Spring Festival

_Thanks for all the great reviews guys! Now let's get on the story. Chapter 5 here it comes! :) _

**Spring Festival **

Laren Mapstone leaned back in her chair in her office and sighed, waiting for a meeting with her Rider knight, Karigan. Today was the start of the Spring Festival and Zachary's engagement party. She, Laren, was quite sure that Karigan would not be pleased by the news that she was about to tell her. Everyone knew how well Karigan does at parties and that was not good. There was a knock on the door.

"Come in," she barked. The door opened to reveal Karigan.

"You wanted to see me, Captain?"

"Yes, sit down." Laren gestured at a chair. Karigan sat down uncomfortably.

"You wanted to see me?" asked Karigan.

"Yes, of course you know that today was the start of the Spring Festival?" Laren raised her eyebrow.

"Yes," replied Karigan, hesitantly.

Laren nodded. "Then you must also know that it is custom that all the nobles to assemble at the Throne Room before the evening ball? They must walk down the room from the gate to let the king's administrators know who is here and who is not."

Karigan shifted in her chair. How did Captain Mapstone know she was now a Viscountess?

As if to answer her question, Laren said simply, "I had a visit from your father and he was kind enough to explain it to me. Now it is also expected that you have a retinue to accompany you, perhaps you would like two of your friends? They might be able give you ….. moral support."

Karigan groaned. Of course, she was supposed to be a noble! She knew any of the Riders would like to come with her just for the experience. And her father's request for her to marry was also firmly etched into her mind. Stevic G'ladheon probably knew that the better the show his daughter puts up the better chance of a husband. Karigan groaned again. "I'll ask if any of the Riders would come."

Laren smile in relief. "Great, now good luck Karigan. You may leave."

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Karigan was right. Both Mara and Garth wanted to accompany her this afternoon when she reports to the king that she has arrived. Karigan sighed as she smoothed down the emerald green dress she was wearing. She was waiting outside the throne room waiting for the herald to announce her. Even though she hated to admit it, she had butterflies fluttering all around her stomach. Garth gave her a good squeeze on the arm and wished her good luck. Mara winked at her just as the herald announced:

"Lady Karigan, Viscountess of Couther!"

Upon hearing Karigan's name, Zachary's ears perked up. Viscountess of Couther? He was surprised and eagerly looked towards the doors of the room. All the other nobles announced held no interest to him even though he pulled his own lines of civility. He had to stop himself from nodding off to sleep. It was no surprise that Estora was only here in body but not spirit.

Karigan flanked by Mara and Garth on both sides felt terribly shy as she walked down the runner towards the king's throne and it wasn't only because all the nobles were looking at her. Captain Mapstone was right, she needed the moral support from Mara and Garth. It took all her courage to walk down that runner. She tried not to look up towards the dais where Zachary sat with Estora in the throne next to him. It was hard because Zachary's gaze on her was intense. She paused at the base of the dais.

"Greetings, you majesty," said Karigan, looking towards Zachary's feet as she curtsied. She felt both Mara and Garth bow next to her.

"Rise, my lady," replied Zachary, gesturing for her to rise. He could not help himself to look at Karigan in her emerald gown that accentuated her lithe form. But to his disappointment Karigan walked away towards the other nobles almost as soon as he said those words. Well, he supposed he would see her at the ball tonight.

Karigan quickly went to stand next to Alton, trying to look as discreet as possible. She felt so relieved to see someone familiar amongst all these aristocrats who scrutinized her as if she was a prisoner. Alton smiled at her reassuringly.


	6. A Revelation and an Understanding

_Sorry for the delay, I'm sure you all know about the writer's block, bear with me_

_Please R&R! Thanks ___

**An Revelation and an Understanding**

Alton woke up with a start. The contents of the dream firmly etched into his mind. Suddenly, everything registered on his memory fell into place. Something his conscience failed to acknowledge, but his subconscious is known all along. This dream has merely brought a revelation from the depth of his heart to the surface. All his feelings has suddenly risen to the surface. Now everything made sense.

Alton now realized the exact reason why he was reluctant to marry any of the noblewomen his father has forced onto him. All along his heart has been someone else's.

A sudden realization crossed his mind. An explanation of the past sequence of events. Why he stood in front of Karigan when Shawdell wanted to shoot her. Why Morhavan chose to portray Karigan to make him destroy the D'yer Wall. Consciously, Alton may not know that he has loved Karigan all along, Morhavan had known after penetrating his mind. That was why he used Kargian's image. All the pieces of the puzzled fell into place.

Alton knew he loved Karigan since the moment he met her. He could still remember that day. He loved Karigan. But how was he going to tell her? What if she didn't feel the same way he did? What is she loves someone else entirely?

Alton groaned and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He has made his decision, he would tell her at Zachary's engagement party tonight.

************************************************************************

It was far too hot for a spring afternoon and Karigan was sweating in her Rider uniform. She spent the whole morning tending to her ordinary duties. Then she brushed Condor so viciously that he strode away from her and refused to come back. Now having nothing to do, she wandered into the gardens. She did not visit the gardens very often. It was too prim and proper with all the aristocrats strutting around. Karigan mentally slapped herself. She was one too, reminded herself. She should stop insulting herself.

Karigan kicked a stone pebble out off her way in frustration. But instead of letting out her annoyance, she only mad her big toe throb with pain. She was not looking forwards to the ball tonight, especially not it it was Zachary's engagement party. This said ball only sealed her fate. She cannot love the man she loved most. Her father's request for her to marry was also planted firmly into her mind adding to her frustrations.

"Karigan! Karigan!" Karigan turned around and saw Estora hurrying towards her. The Weapon not far behind. Karigan groaned. She has ignored Estora for long enough. While Karigan wanted to hate Estora, she never really could. Estora was still her friend no matter how hard Karigan tried to hate her. Karigan could never bring herself to do so.

"So, Karigan, I haven't seen you for a long time," said Estora, after she caught up with her. Karigan mentally slapped herself again and bowed respectably.

"I have been quite busy lately, my lady."

"Now since you are now a viscountess and knight, I would want us to be on a first-name basis, please call me Estora," Pleaded Estora.

"If you please, my.. I mean Estora, but you are soon-to-be queen," objected Karigan, through gritted teeth. Estora smiled sadly.

"You still can call me Estora," she said simply. Estora was not completely ignorant. She knew that Zachary had loved someone else. But sho it was, she was never sure. But judging by Karigan's avoicance of her, Estora believes that he now knew who Zachary loved. Estora looked at her friend sadly and put her hand on her friend's shoulder.

"Love is not only restricted to one class, Karigan," Estora said. "We cannot control who we fall in love with."

Karigan looked at Estora in surprised. Estora knew she loved Zachayr, but she wasn't angry with her. Of course, Estora had loved Fryan Cobblebay, a common messenger. If it is anyone who would understand, Estora was that person.

"Estora, I'm sorry, I ignored you for so long and I…" Karigan trailed off. Estora waved Karigan's apology away.

"I'll always be your friend Karigan," said Estora simply and left. Karigan was left standing speechless in the middle of the garden, staring dumbfound at estora's retreating back. She sighed and walked away. She had better prepare for the ball. Zachary's engagement party, she thought bitterly.

_Tell me what you think, pls review_


	7. The Engagement Party

_I know it has been long, I ran out of inspirations for this story, but I'm back! _

**The Engagement Party **

Karigan just wished that the stone in the castle courtyard would swallow her. Just like the D'Yer Wall. But the cobblestone did not open up, as she treaded her way carefully across the castle courtyard towards the ballroom of the castle. She always hated the parties that came with the part of being a knight. Now as a Viscountess, there would be even more parties.

Today the castle was alight with lanterns and laughter for the engagement of King Zachary and Lady Estora during this year's Spring Festival. But merrymaking was the last thought on Karigan's mind. Her mind was in turmoil. Karigan knew that she could not not come to this ball however much she wanted not to. She knew she had her obligations to her clan and father. To marry a man of notable status and therefore bear an heir to the clan.

Karigan groaned. She had loved her king, Zachary, which she should never have. But the damage was already done. She did not know how she could possibly love another man.

As Karigan's troubled thoughts tumbled through her mind, she did not realize that she was already at the doors of the ballroom. She warily handed her invitation to the guard, receiving a drained "welcome, my lady".

The brightness and laughter of the ballroom always overwhelmed Karigan. Tall ladies in dresses of all shades of colours twirling across the dance floor, the grand chandeliers hanging from the high vaulted ceiling and the clan tapestries hung on the walls around the room. Karigan felt dwarfed by the magnificence. But unknown to her, Karigan actually cut a striking figure among the court and at the ball no different.

Alton looking at the door, caught sight of Karigan. He thought Karigan was the most beautiful woman out of the group he was talking to and even at the whole ball. He politely excused himself and made his way to her. Karigan looked extremely uncomfortable. Alton knowing Karigan's weakness at balls, sympathized with her.

"Karigan?" he called out to her.

Karigan turned around searching for the source of the voice. Seeing Alton, she almost immediately made her way to him at the relief of seeing at least one familiar face among the throng of party guests. The scent of heavily perfumed bodies was already taking its toll on Karigan.

"Alton." She smiled gratefully. Alton was stunned by the effect that smile had on Karigan's face. It softened her green eyes and gave her a peaceful expression as if there were no worries in the world. Startled by the dramatic change, Alton didn't realize that he was staring at her enraptured, realizing, he quickly flashed her one of his boyish grins.

"Er..errr I think I will get some wine," stuttered Alton. He never thought that any woman could have that kind of an effect on him. But Karigan wasn't just any random woman, was she? His own question confused him.

Karigan surveyed the room. She felt as if her heart was being wretched from her body when she saw Zachary, the perfect groom. Zachary was dressed in his finest; a simple gold crown on his head, but that to Karigan was a symbol of his superiority. He greeted all the guests courteously. Karigan turned away as Zachary bent to kiss Estora's hand once again, tears threatened to fall from her eyes.

Karigan felt eyes on the back of her neck. She turned. Zachary met her green eyes with his almond shaped eyes. She watched as she excused himself and slowly made his way over to her. Karigan headed towards the door, thinking of making a quick escape, but Zachary caught onto his arm, spinning her around. His eyes pleaded with her, 'don't go'. Karigan sighed an succumbed to it; reluctantly following him onto the empty balcony.

"I need you, Karigan." Zachary finally broke the awkward silence that had settled between them on the balcony. Karigan didn't know what to say about Zachary proclamation. Absentmindedly, she smoothed down her gown.

"I don't know, I really don't know," said Karigan finally. Tears brimmed in her eyes; she turned away, staring at the sky. There was a tremor in her voice as she continued, "We all have our obligations, you to Sacordia and I to my clan."

Karigan could not believe that she had said those words, she shocked herself. Zachary blinked in surprise. Karigan walked back towards the ballroom.

"I will find a way, I promise." Zachary's words held hope and assurance. Karigan faced him again. This time her face, despite the tear that fell down her face, had a mark of pride bordering on arrogance. Anger flashed in her eyes.

"I will not be your mistress," said Karigan bluntly. Abruptly she turned away and walked back into the ballroom, leaving behind a forlorn looking Zachary. Tear clouded her vision as Karigan treaded across the ballroom, searching desperately for Alton. When she found him, she embraced him and put her head on his shoulder and let the tears silently fall. She no longer cared about the envious glares she received or the court gossip that would surely ensue. All Karigan wanted was someone whom she can trust. Someone who she can go to for comfort. All she wanted was her leave her feeling for Zachary behind like shedding a layer of skin. She would learn to love again. It will hurt, but Karigan was determined.

_Did I portray Karigan's depressed feeling well? Leave a review!_


	8. Chapter 8

This chapter is unfortunately an author's note….which I know is perfectly annoying and disappointing for all readers, I have had that experience before. But, it had to be done. Okay, so it here goes. First the bad news, I haven't read Green rider series in a very long time, some parts are now obscure and hazy in my brain, so unfortunately, I probably won't be continuing this story any time in the haziness off the future. But who knows. Anyway. The good news is that I'm letting anyone who wishes to, to adopt this story, make it their own, continue it as they see fit or change it anyway they like etc. those who wants to see this story continue, adopt it and finish it yourself!

Miranda


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